Do you stand up to bullies?

I admire your courage to intervene for what is right. In many parents lives a demon child, you were successful in crossing the transaction, communicating with the small window of opportunity that adult had. Your risk which is based out of faith, speaks highly.

A very courageous act, Jung Girl!

Several months ago, I listened to The Tipping Point by Malcolm Gladwell.  In one part of the book, Gladwell discusses crime in New York City and covers the bystander effect.  Basically, solitary individuals will typically intervene if another person is in need of help: this is known as bystander intervention. However, researchers were surprised to find that help is less likely to be given if more people are present. In some situations, a large group of bystanders may fail to help a person who obviously needs help.  I think your situation was another example of the bystander effect in action, and the courage you showed to act and stand up to the father, I am sure, made a tremendous difference.

Thanks for sharing your story!  :o)

hmmm…  u take me by surprise once again little one (but not entirely)..  'judge you not by your size'

… this story is moving, you lead by example and challenge the not-loving spaces as a powerful and courageous Jedi of the heart…

I think that we could all learn something from your bravery my dear.  Yours is exactly the kind of courage our moment requires…

YAYYYYY!! My BIG Jung Girlfren! Ya gotta do what ya gotta do.

I'm with you about simply trying to sleep well at night from seeing injustice that I know I can do something about. It just bothers me so much!

I think I use the shock factor too, in my case, as a good looking black woman taking down these corporate executive types who are missing the point about how their big business is screwing with the lives and welfare of so many people. And the academics and in some cases the religious/righteous types.

They surely do listen… and no, they don't mess around with me either. It's pretty funny afterwards. There really is so much that people can do even now to make things right, if only they'd step up. Sigh…

Yes, you're so right.

I still don't necessarily see anyone as villains; often they too are victims, fighting their fears through acting out in these fashions or going with acceptable or familiar pathways of existence.

I actually think that ignorance is usually the cause of such fears, because on recognising that there are alternative ways, oftentimes people do make a change in their behaviours and perspectives. It does require not seeing them as the enemy though, but as other pieces of ourselves also seeking answers to life's questions. The intention has to be the leading edge of the decision I think.

Taking the high road speaks to compassion as well. Thanks for the opportunity to reflect on this as well friend. Sherri

another glorious glimpse of the world that could/will be…thank you for being you, Jung Girl. my dad was rather a bully like that. I stood up to him, but rarely unscathed, though i did manage to draw his rage away from the rest of my family by offering a more antagonizing target. I was always stunned by the blank stares of my family that never led to consolation or support or even a conversation about what had happened. All behaved as though it never happened and even at times as though it was deserved. I would have been incredibly, ineffably, grateful for any validation, such as you provided, that what was occurring was not okay. 

D, it's not right, is it? I know there isn't supposed to be right or wrong, non-judgment, but the value of letting something so awful go on and on…I'm not seeing it. I can't. It enables, practically encourages, it certainly gives permission for repeating… And if a group felt disempowered then it really said a whole lot about the overall resonance in the environment.

Well I'm happy that you got out and are strong and haven't turned your heart over to hatred and cynicism. And of course you're accepted here for who you are… and you are, and have always been okay…

Stay pos. SC

Thanks Sherri! You have a beautiful heart.

When one is a child one usually has a limited scope of reality and is very dependent on the viewpoints of those around one in order to understand life. If the viewpoints are all defeated or antagonistic or indifferent one develops an odd view of the world. The viewpoints of love were on the silver screen for me mostly: a magical world that seemed to exist somewhere where people truly cared about one another. 

I was raised by many very loving people but none of them defended me against the physical abuse. I was very accepted, loved, admired, desired…i was just not protected, which really decreases the value of the love et al. I saw more and more of that growing up i have only been in a handful of loving supportive homes and even those have their shortcomings. In school the children were not protected well either. I had to intervene there to attempt to protect my peers as well. This inability to protect one another is a widespread problem we are only now just beginning to understand. We've learned so much about life, but very little about getting along together.

Children are our future. They need to be treated with dignity and respect and prepared to grow beyond our current status not become buried deeper and deeper in it. Actions such as Jung Girl's  above are what will take us out if they are numerous enough. Do we want a future full of fear and domination or one of love and support? Most of the world's resources are dedicated to the former and that's why people like my dad exist. There's no need or call for hatred and cynicism, though it is easy to engender it. It's really an inevitable by-product of a civilization based upon the spoils going to the victor: winner take all, which makes the bulk of us losers. 

What we really need is a new framework based on love and support, to supplant this current one based on fear and domination…an eye to eye, peer to peer view rather than a top down view. It's coming…

i'm working on it…

Hi guys.

Yes, I was speaking from a very emotional and passionate moment on comment, and yes, in that moment I felt it was the right course of action, in response to a very heart-felt rendering from Doolang. In fact, I practically burst into crying when I read Doolang's comments and I had to be moved away from the computer and held close; it broke me so much.

I felt [feel] the pain of so many people who have been hurt through ignorance! The fact that I have come down to concluding that it is ignorance and not intent says that I am, on the greater scale, basically non-judgmental. I encourage others to recognise the power of [re]education to help us come back to equilibrium… another portal for my company.

My own experiences of pain and neglect have also helped to create this big, BIG heart of mine. Some of my earlier blogs might shed some light on me, but it isn't that important to elaborate now. Just know that if there is one person who can see the light in others it's me. Compassion has been my strength and my weakness but it is mine to give to the world and I will continue to do it.

However, please don't reduce the importance of individual responsibility, of people seeking on their own to do better, be better. Enabling, like I pointed out is just as non-evolutionary as abusing and I have no qualms as I say that. People ALWAYS have the opportunity to choose their courses of action, and extended 'compassion' for an abuser does lead to extended bouts of abuse, until someone, in the moment, takes a stand. The grander scheme of love is my guide in this scenario… I won't contribute to perpetuating harm by enabling. That's me, taking responsibilty for myself and my actions.

My work is all about embracing the complete human being, faults and fallibilities included. It is also about endorsing people stepping up, and rising to their potential. Thus I encourage people who are functioning below their best level, regardless of how that manifests itself, to look at themselves and the relationships they presently have including with themselves, and have seen some incredible transformations from that place.

Judgment is pointless, I agree; guidance is essential, but from a place of greater love.

Hope this adds some value. I do love you all and pray for continued healing for humanity.

Sherri

Oh my, Sherri. I didn't mean to make you cry. Bless you and your compassion. I'm okay. I'm bulletproof. I'm not wounded or upset or hurting. 

I have no ill will towards my dad. I choose not to speak to my dad because he's just not a fun person to be around. He is who he is. I helped him to heal as much as I could and I hear from everyone how much nicer he is, but he's still not a fun person to work with, because he will still take advantage of one and steal their stuff when they aren't looking or even when they are. It is my judgement that keeps me out of that potential mess. My judgement is good because others are still getting short-changed on a routine basis.

I think judgement is very useful. It keeps me out of lots of trouble. I think maybe there is a confusion of terms here that equates right and wrong with a condemnatory good and evil instead of pragmatic productive and unproductive. If it is raining outside it is my judgement that allows me to choose the productive course of grabbing an umbrella and staying dry instead of getting soaking wet.

It is very unproductive to allow abuses to occur unchecked. For starters it erodes one's integrity by drawing one into agreement with allowing it, by virtue of non-action. Sherri and Jung Girl are fully right to judge the actions as unproductive, just as MA sees that it is unproductive to condemn the person. It is the action that is not okay. Judgement is a vital and powerful tool that will always and has always served us well. Condemnation binds us like brer rabbit to the tar baby. Love and acceptance sets us free and allows us and those around us to change.

It is only through stepping into the cycle and breaking it that change occurs. If Jung Girl had been there for me i would have realized there was a viewpoint that could stop this and I wouldn't have felt so alone even if it continued. My only solution that i could see at the time was to kill him, but that was a rather problematic unproductive solution. I adjudicated on a few occasions not to do so.

The unproductive cycles need to be broken, interupted, slowed, diverted, questioned at every opportunity. The productive ones too, probably. Otherwise we don't really look and it continues. If we can't judge then we can't act with prediction and perhaps that is the problem I alluded to earlier. When i have stood up to bullies it was not with violence or threats but with love, intervening with my body and my words like, “Why are you doing this?”  It is only because I have judged the actions and found them in need of change and predicted what would happen if I acted as far as my foresight allowed that action was really possible. Otherwise i might have stood there saying to myself, “It's not my place to judge.” I wonder if that wasn't the case for the people around me growing up? Or were they just afraid to act, afraid of being hit too? Maybe a combination…?

I love you all too. It's nice to have found compassionate, feeling people and made them my companions. I am grateful that you are all here. I hope we can do some wonderful things together and create a brighter future for everyone.

Very beautiful. 

We may all be one but, in general, we have a hard time agreeing on anything, first off because we tend to be looking for advantage rather than harmony, secondly, because we don't actually speak the same language, we use words with multiple meanings that vaguely conceptualize a shared experience, thirdly because we value our space as our last refuge in a world vying for rights of occupation, we are reluctant to open it to others.

Jung Girl invited us into her space and became uncomfortable with what seemed like a conflict, because we had a bit of confusion about the terms we were using and what they represented, and each of us wanted to validate what was harmonious in our viewpoint of life.

I'm glad that we could do that. That is what makes this space so wonderful. We can open up, we can share deeply, we can embrace other viewpoints and bring them into harmony with one another, because we are all  one and we are all struggling with different aspects of the same problem: how to be more one and less the one.

This is cutting edge: learning to embrace one another as we are; reaching out to one another; finding harmony.  This is the gateway to a better life. It hasn't really been done before as a way of life. 

When we can finally let down our guard and let each other in fully since your space is my space, we won't need language we will just know, and your advantage will be mine so there will be harmony. That is the essence of the new framework on which we'll hang our hat at the end of the day.

bliss and blessings on this sacred earth day,
darin

Happy to be among a pretty evolved group! Language can be so limiting, but we're doing ok. And it's primarily because we are staying open… and doing our best not to be judgmental [in the non-evolutionary sense of the world]. Can you imagine having this conversation with someone for whom English is not their first language?

The word ignorant, I have begun to adopt very smoothly into my language for what it is: an absence of knowledge. Definitely not a put down… I try where I can to respectfully fill the gap if the opportunity presents itself… I am essentially a teacher by vocation… and let the person flow from there. It's effective. But only when I don't take things personal.

I'll share some of my stories, especially about situations where language was quite the challenge in due course!

But at least, we know we are not alone. : )

Thanks friends. Wonderful day to you. Sherri